Evening Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme
Late-night's prominent hosts devoted their evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced immigration program, called the "gold card," describing it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the wealthy.
The Late Show's Pointed Take
Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins all he handles."
The focus was the controversial program that enables overseas citizens to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" version for $5 million. The program's portal promises processing "with unprecedented speed."
"One note for you to wealthy foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.
He pointed out that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.
"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals completely are eligible to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique
On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."
"This is a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."
"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."
"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval numbers amid financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.
This week, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."
"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by targeting conservative media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.