The Advice given by A Father That Saved Us when I became a New Parent

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider failure to communicate among men, who still absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their pain, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."